How to Choose an Executor and Tell Them

Pick the right person to handle your estate, then have the conversation about what the job actually involves.

  1. List your must-have qualities. Your executor needs three things: they'll be alive when you're not, they can handle paperwork and deadlines, and they won't steal from your beneficiaries. Age matters — don't pick someone 10+ years older than you. Geographic location matters too, since they'll need to access local courts and handle physical assets.
  2. Consider the workload you're creating. Simple estates take 6-12 months and 20-40 hours of work. Complex estates with businesses, multiple properties, or family disputes can take 2+ years and hundreds of hours. If your estate is worth over $1 million or includes business interests, your executor might need to hire lawyers and accountants — factor that complexity into your choice.
  3. Make your short list. Start with adult children, then consider siblings, close friends, or your spouse if they're younger. Avoid people in financial trouble, those with addiction issues, or anyone who doesn't get along with your beneficiaries. You can name a backup executor in case your first choice can't serve.
  4. Have the conversation before you decide. Explain what you're asking: they'll file your will with probate court, pay your debts, file your final tax returns, and distribute your assets according to your will. Tell them where you keep important documents and passwords. Give them a realistic timeline — this isn't a one-afternoon job.
  5. Discuss compensation upfront. Executors can typically charge 2-5% of the estate's value in most states, though many family members waive fees. Be clear about your expectations. If you want them to take the fee, say so — it's a lot of work. If your estate is large or complex, consider naming a professional executor like an attorney or bank trust department.
  6. Make it official and keep them updated. Name them in your will and give them a copy. Update them when you move, change banks, or make major financial changes. Consider writing a letter with account numbers, passwords, and special instructions — keep it with your will and update it annually.